


There

by orangecaramel05



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Haechan sings his feelings out, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of song au, Listen to Sohyang, M/M, These two kids need to learn what 'comunicate' means, Two Shot, Yukhei actually play a role, she inspired me for this, taeyong too, this takes place during the showcase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-01 10:49:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13996677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangecaramel05/pseuds/orangecaramel05
Summary: An two shot, in which Haechan is suffering from Mark’s sudden distance and doesn’t think he can hold on any longer.So, he does the thing he is best at: singing. Singing it out. He needs to say it out loud to move on, even if he didn’t say it to Mark directly – he knew he couldn’t, that he mustn't. Their friendship, or what’s left of it… he needed to keep it, even if it was just a perfect illusion. To him, living in an illusion was better than living in the truth. But this one, just this one, he’d face the truth.So he does the thing he is best at: singing… in front of hundred thousands of people.





	1. There it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~  
> This was written during my sleep hours so I'm not sure of how over dramatic it is. But hopefully it turned out great!
> 
> I actually listened to 'Dear Love' by The One to write this fic, and since it is the one Haechan is singing, I suggest you listen to it so you have an idea of what he sounds like, though it is not absolutely necessary ;) :
> 
> Links: Original version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv5PJfJyDZs  
> So hyang version (the one I imagined Haechan singing like): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMLmX9pQj7I
> 
> Now, with that being done, I'll go to sleep and I'll write part 2 after~ Enjoy!

 

_ That’s it. _

 

That’s what Donghyuck thought as he took in what just happened, finally reaching breaking point. Starring at his trembling hand, tears invade his eyes and he excused himself silently, members to busy getting ready for their showcase to realize he was on the verge of crying.

 

He didn’t mean to cry. But this time, it was too much. He couldn’t take it anymore. He was fed up with Mark and his  _stupid_ behavior. He just wanted to hold his hand for fuck sake, Mark didn’t have to push it away so… so… ‘so’ what? Donghyuck shook his head slid down the wall, crouching on the stairs, finally allowing tears to fall down. He was being pathetic. Mark didn’t do anything wrong, he simply took away his hand from his, he was not violent nor disgusted by the act. He just push him away. Again. Was it so much to ask for? Did Mark found out about his lo… attraction toward him?

 

Haechan shook his head at his own behavior. He couldn’t even bear to say the word out loud, he really was pathetic. He’d like to blame Mark for the current state he is. But he couldn’t.

 

At first all was fine, Mark treated him like his brother, like a close friend. He cherished him. And Haechan did too – granted not in the most demonstrative way, but still, he did. To the point where other types of feelings got in the way. But it was okay, Haechan was good at concealing, and to be honest, he’d rather have his friendship with the older boy stay as it is. It was perfect in his opinion, they were perfect. But, it mustn’t have been Mark’s point of view  on their friendship since everything changed  since the beginning of the year.

 

With the arrival of their three new members and him being pretty busy juggling between the three units, Mark has been busier than ever, so he spent less time with Haechan. And, that was okay, he understood. He really did. But, being in three units had never stopped him from keeping a bit of time for the two of them before. So why did it now? And Haechan wasn’t blind, he noticed that M ark suddenly looked less interested  in him and spent less time with him. At first, he really tried to believe his busy schedule was what was keeping him away. But as months passed, he realized it was not a question of schedule. There was more. Call him paranoid if you will, but he noticed the changes, the little sentences such as ‘You okay?’ and ‘Fighting!’ or the small pats on the thighs and shoulders had slowly faded away, until all that was left was Haechan’s desperate – and failed – attempts to reach out for the other boy. See? Haechan was also busy in two units and yet, here he was having time to interact – well, try to interact with the older.

 

‘What the… I’m being selfish and egocentric here. This needs to stop.’ he muttered, leaning his head back against the wall as he swallowed back another sob. Wiping off some of his tears – thanks god the stylists noonas had not yet done his make up – he thought back on how pathetic he had been these past weeks and how those toxic feelings had kept on poisoning him. It needed to stop. So what if Mark suddenly wanted to distance himself from him? He has the right to. Mark was not his.

 

This last thought broke his heart once more.

 

‘Ah fuck that…’ he mumbled, hastily wiping off his tears and standing up. This needed to stop. Once for all. This stupid crush of his needed to disappear. It was eating him alive, and Mark constant rejection wasn’t helping. But he couldn’t tell the boy. As he said, he’d do anything to preserve his friendship with the boy. Even if what was left of it was probably, in Mark’s mind, just a play for the sake of the fans – an illusion. An illusion that Haechan was going to polish.

 

A perfect illusion.

 

But, it didn’t mean that he’ll live with feelings left unsaid. No. He was going to say what he felt, even if it wasn’t to Mark directly. Haechan will do it his own way.

 

Mind set, he walked toward the staffs.

 

 

– –

 

 

‘Hae- wow why are you shaking? Are you alright?’

 

Haechan sighed as he tried to keep his hands steady around his mike. Mark Lee had once again walked his way without sparing him a glance – not that he would know, since his eyes were trained on the ground, but he highly doubted that after all this time of ignoring and rejecting him, Mark would spare him a glance. But he had no time to dwell on his one sided love.

 

His personal stage was going to start in a few minutes, and he was about to piss his pants. Usually, Donghyuck was confident on stage, cocky and mischievous even – he was Haechan. But in a few moments, he wouldn’t be Haechan. Just Donghyuck. He was going to go up on stage, bare of all artifices, baring his true self to hundred of thousands of NCTzens.

 

‘Why the fuck did I do that.’ he groaned, jumping on the spot to calm his frantic heartbeat.

 

‘Do what?’ a voice interrupted yet again his rant.

 

Haechan looked up, having completely forgotten that Yukhei was talking to him. He stopped jumping and smiled at the boy. Yukhei may look like an extra cocky flirtatious boy, but in reality he was an amazing person. Donghyuck really liked the boy, even considered him his friend – not that he would tell him that, at least not yet (he liked to watch the boy suffer as he denied him his attention). But today, with he was about to do, he needed his support, a friend’s support. So maybe he could indulge in showing a bit of his care for him.

 

‘Hey Hyuck why you not dressed for your-’ the boy began in broken Korean, but Haechan cut him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, tiptoeing – fuck his height – and squeezing the living life out of him. Yukhei choked a bit at his strong hold but answered, wrapping his arms around his friend in return. ‘What’s wrong Donghyuck?’

 

But Haechan just shook his head. Instead, he just breathed in the comforting scent of his friend – well, if perspiration’s odor was ever comforting – and leaned his head against his shoulder. After a while, he detached himself from his friend and stepped back. Smiling at his friend, he looked up to find Lucas already smiling down at him.

 

‘I’m sorry. I really needed this.’ he explained, trying to play it cool but failing miserably. At least now he wasn’t shaking anymore. But Lucas only nodded.

 

‘I know.’ he began, this time in English. ‘Hyuck, don’t worry. Whatever you’re planning on doing up there, I’m with you. I’ll always be by your side. Let your heart speak.’

 

And just with that, Haechan knew he knew.

 

Blinking away the tears, he nodded, grateful for his friend’s words. ‘Y-yeah. I will.’

 

‘Fighting!’ Yukhei said at last under Haechan’s laughter, and left to change.

 

Now he was alone. But he wasn’t lonely anymore. His friend was with him, and that’s all he needed.

 

With that last thought, he stepped on the lift.

 

He was ready to face the stage.

 

 

––––––

 

 

That was a lie.

 

Haechan screamed mentally as the spotlights lighted up the audience for him to speak a bit before his performance.

 

‘Why the fuck did I change my mind?! Couldn’t I just shut up and perform on ‘Thriller’?! Damn, the things you do for lo-…Fuck you Mark Lee.’ he ranted in his mind, looking up at the audience in panic, hoping his face didn’t show it. Once again, he had failed to say it, then how in the world did he expect to sing his song to the whole audience? He was just going to humiliate himself.

 

Yes, singing a song was the way he chose to let out his feelings once for all, without having to directly talk to Mark, let alone saying it was about Mark – he wasn’t crazy enough to do that and risk their group. But how was he supposed to sing this song without making a fool of himself was a mystery. His thoughts and feelings were a mess, how did he planned on pouring them out in a song that way? Oh, and perhaps he should have practiced it somewhere else than his bathroom before singing it on stage? Lee Donghyuck was dumb. Never let him make – rash – decisions ever again.

 

But as he looked up, ready to burst into a mess on stage, he saw the fans faces. They were fulled of tears and smiles, their screams resonating in the air, and suddenly he could breath again. He had forgotten an important fact: these people loved him. They supported him. Heck, he was there today thanks to them, because they believed in him.

 

So the least he could do was believe in them too. And pray this all goes well. And so, bowing, he brought the mike to his lips, hands no longer shaking.

 

‘Hello everyone, this NCT’s Haech- no, this is Lee Donghyuck.’ he stated, earning gasps and slowly, as fans probably realized the peculiarity of the situation, they quiet down. Given the way he is dressed – black jeans and white shirt – and the lack of dancers or animations on the stage, fans must have guessed something special was on its way. Taking a deep breath, knowing that his fellow members – that _he_ must be watching him curiously through the TVs in the backstage, he willed himself to remember his friend’s encouraging words. Let your heart speak.

 

‘You must be wondering ‘Why is Haechan speaking like this?’ ‘Aish why is he talking, bring back the sexy back dancers!’-’ the fans laughed outloud at this one, some screaming he was handsomer, and all of that made him laugh a bit too, the mood lightening. ‘Tonight, I wanted to show you a side of myself that I’ve never shown before. You’ve given us so much these past years, I felt like now it is my turn. That’s why I wanted to go on stage as Donghyuck tonight.’

 

He waited a bit, waiting for the screams and squeals to lowered down. _Are you watching Mark Lee? Am I finally having your attention? I hope you so. I’m doing this thinking of you, one last time. Then you’ll be free. You won’t have to bear with me, I’ll let go. But just for tonight, please, keep your eyes on me._

 

‘Yeah, so that’s why. Actually, before I start singing- ‘Omo why isn’t he done talking? I didn’t pay 250 000 won to hear him rant about his life~’ ’ he resumed talking, imitating the fans. Said fans laughed and screamed some ‘No!’ and ‘Oppa/Donghyuck-ah stop saying this!’ in the air. Smiling at them he waved a bit. ‘Ani, ani, don’t worry I’m just kidding. So, as I was saying, I want to tell you a quick story before I start singing. Please, listen to me until the end.’

 

Walking around a bit to calm his stressed self, he breathed in and out. That was it, he was about to uncover his bare self, his true self in front of hundred thousands fans. _C’mon Hyuck, you can do it. For the last time, you’ll show him. For the last time, he’ll look at you._

 

‘At first, I planned on doing a stage on Michael Jackson’s Thriller.’ as he began talking he could hear the shocked gasps of the crowd, and he knew that by now he must have really picked up the interest of his team members. ‘But… things happened. And I needed to get them of off my chest before it hurts too much.’ he explained, shivering a bit at how bare and vulnerable he felt by saying that. He didn’t like it. But the mutters of worry of the crowd actually warmed his heart. Maybe it was the right thing to do after all? ‘Yes, but don’t worry I’m better now. Now that I’m ready to face it- with you, I feel better.’

 

He heard the squeals of the fans and he knew he could do it.

 

‘So I went to the staff one hour before our showcase started and asked to change songs-’ he swore he could hear Taeyong screaming how doomed they are now because of him, and that made him smile. Poor boy was not out of the woods. ‘- with a song that I usually sing under the shower.’

 

Now Taeyong was fainting for sure. Maybe some other members fainted too. Johnny and Ten must be laughing their asses off though. Maybe _he_ was too? Or maybe he was already too busy playing on his phone. Yeah, he probably was. Well in that case, Haechan planned on making raise his eyes from his screen.

 

‘Ah, don’t worry, you can get refund by the exit at the end of the showcase.’ he joked around, fans now laughing their asses off too. ‘Yeah, jokes aside, I know that this is probably not what you expected and that some of you are probably going to be disappointed, but this song actually reflects my current thoughts, so I’ll do my best to share it with you. I’ll now sing The One sunbae-nim’s ‘Dear Love’, please look forward to it.’ he finally ended his talk, bowing under the encouraging screams of his fans.

 

As the lights dimmed, spotlights now on him and his mike stand, the crowd grew silent and he closed his eyes. Gulping, he tried to will his lungs to breath and heart to beat. That was it. No turning back now. _Are you watching Mark Lee? This, this is for you. My last words to you._

 

The first keys started to play, and soon, the melody of this classical song began. And at the sound of the reassuring beat, Donghyuck felt all the worry and anxiousness that had washed over him about not being able to pull the song off disappeared. So he brought his lips to the mike and let his voice out…

 

**(A/N: From now on what's between quotation marks are the lyrics & the italics are his thoughts.)**

 

‘ _The heartsick name-_ ’ Donghyuck sang out, his voice soft as he pronounced those lyrics, the name _Mark_ on the edge of his lips. ‘-I’m thinking aloud’. He stated with a shaky voice, those words bringing him back to all the time he’d thought of Mark, not able to refrain from calling him aloud, all the time he should have opened his eyes and see that it was an illusion. A beautiful and perfect illusion, so perfect he almost believed it.

 

‘I’m biting’ he muttered, voice breaking on the edge of this word. ‘ _my lips-_ ’ he sang out, head voice sounding like heaven to fans, but bringing a feeling of hell to the singer. _Do you know how good your lips looked when you smiled at me? I wish you would smile at me like this again._ Tears welled up in his eyes, knowing the boy wouldn’t smile at him like he did before ever again. So he resumed singing, steadying his voice, to hide how broken he truly was. ‘-swallowing my tears’.

 

‘I try to keep my head up’ _I really do._ ‘as I’ve made up my mind’ _for you. I do this for us. A bit more for you. For you to be happy. Are you happy now?_

 

‘But’ he paused, letting the beat hang on just in here, like he let fans hang on as they wait for his next words. _Are you waiting for them too? You’re a foreigner, you’ve probably no idea of what this song is, of what it’s about. Let me help you find out then. Then you’ll understand how you’ve made me feel._ ‘I’m just getting more miserable,’ Here it was, the broken sound in his voice he couldn’t help but let out at the word ‘miserable’. He shivered. He felt so humiliated by exposing his weakness to hundred thousands of people. But at the same time it felt good, finally free of this shell he’d put on so many times. _Just for you, I did. So that we could still be friends. I never dared to wish for more somewhere else than in my dreams Mark hyung. So why…_ ‘since you left me’. If the members had no idea where this was going before, now they might have figured it out. At least, these who were close to him. _Did you? Did you find out I’m talking about you silly hyung? Probably not, you’re too busy with your phone I presume. So I’m really not… not enough anymore, right?_

 

With those last thoughts, the drums started beating and tears he could no longer hold slid down his face. As the beat reached his peek, so did his feelings at the last thoughts of Minhyung’s smile. No longer able to resist, his mouth let out a mellow cry of anguish, mixed with longing:

 

‘Dear love, dear my longing love’

 

There it was. He finally said it aloud. The word he had for so long dreaded to even think was out, admitted to the whole world, only for his heart – and probably Yukhei – to know who it was addressed at. He could hear the sharp intake of breath the crowd did, but he couldn’t care less, going on in his song, cheeks getting wetter by seconds. _Do you wonder why I’m crying? It’s because of you._

 

‘This love…’ _It is because of me._ ‘It hurts so much, the love…’ _he sang out, voice clear and loud, going up for the high not with no trouble on the word ‘love’. Finally he could scream it out. It was toxic Minhyung, our friendship always was. You always viewed me as brother, so why did I want more? I knew I couldn’t get more and yet… I’m sorry Mark._

 

‘How long’ his voice died down, slowly catching up his breath after this outburst, trying not to sob. His fingers grasped the mike stand tightly as he resumed his singing with a softer but still as broken voice.‘…do I have to suffer’ _I’m sorry Minhyung. Let’s get back to our illusion for my sake please. I can’t take no more of your cold shoulder, I’d rather have fake smile. You don’t have to touch me just… please._

 

‘To heal up this scar’ he sang his heart out, high note resonating in the whole stadium on the word ‘scar’ as the chorus ended. And as the beat lowered, Donghyuck was finally able to hear the cheers and screams of his fans. And more tears rolled down his cheeks at that.

 

They understood him.

 

His hands clutched the mike stand tighter and he lowered his head, trying to stop from shaking. _Yeah Minhyung, how long will these scars take to heal? I can’t go on any longer without my feeling exposed, I need_ _ed_ _that to heal. I’m sorry you have to go though this. I hope the hyung_ _s_ _aren’t making it too difficult in there, it’s not your fault. It is me. It’s always been me. I just failed to see it. You, you were clear since day one. You called us brother. So, can’t we brothers anymore, at least?_

 

And as Donghyuck heard the beat change, he knew it was time for him to cry out all he was not yet able to express through the mess of emotions he was currently feeling. So he opened his mouth and did just that.

 

‘Oooh~’, each wave expressing a little bit more each time the turmoil of emotion he was feeling at the moment, his ears hearing the closest fans crying but he didn’t care. _Let us cry together._ And as the bit gout louder, he broke the sound and took a sharp intake of breath.

 

‘The heartsick-’ he tried to sing, he really did, but the words felt too heavy on his tongue and each breath felt too short. ‘name I’m-’ he chocked. _Minhyung what did you do to me?_ ‘-thinking aloud’. He bit back a cry, knowing what part was to come, feeling vulnerable once more. ‘Oooh…’

 

‘Dear love, dear my longing love’

 

There it was again. God, how deliciously painful this felt to sing these words. The word ‘love’ burning down his throat everytime he cried it out, but also warming his heart, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. _Will I ever…No, I’ll never. I’m sorry for these stupid feeling_ _s_ _Minhyung._

 

‘This love…’ He sobbed. _I remember the times you held me when it was too much. I truly loved you in these moments you know? I felt like I could go on forever with you by my side. But I guess not… at least not in reality. But that’s okay, I’ll hurt and we’ll live in the illusion right?_ ‘It hurts so much, the love’ he cried out, voice hitting the high note once more, pure and raw, on the word ‘love’. _But you probably don’t know it is you, right? Why would you…_

 

‘How long’ Fans could feel the ache in their idol’s voice at these words, but they could only stand there, in utter awed silence, tears rolling down their face too. _Indeed, h_ _ow long Minhyung_. ‘-do I have to suffer’

 

‘To heal up’ too carried away in the whirlwind of emotions, his voice acted on his own and insisted on the world ‘heal’. _Am I really that broken? But I’m at fault, I shouldn’t be broken. I should face it and solve it._ ‘-this scar’ _Yeah Mark Lee. Let you be the source of my strength one last time…_

 

And with those thoughts, the drum kicked in before stopping, for a few seconds, so that his voice and high note would echo in the whole stadium as he sang out the sentence that qualifies is situation the best:

 

‘My love, how silly my love is’

 

His throat burned as it carried out the last word. But it wasn’t the highest he would go tonight, no. Tonight he’ll reach higher than he’s ever reach. _Just one last time. I’ll give my best for you one last time. Because you were my best._

 

And so he did:

 

‘I can’t give up my desire’

 

He screamed, delivering the highest note ever delivered in NCT, on the single world ‘desire’, tears cascading down his face, blushing in shame of his own untamed desire, and leaving fans breathless. It was as if he was sucking in their own air to fill his lungs with, to reach this note and holding it. _How much I want you Mark Lee. I want you. I want you._

 

‘Being sad’ his voice finally got down to a soft whisper, sobs echoing into the silence of the stadium, as the music stopped for a while. Breathing in, he went on ‘-about my hopeless love can’t last forever’ _Let’s end this tonight. Now… I’ve been honest with myself. So please allow me to be honest a bit more…_

 

‘So once again’ his voice shook, but it still maintained its soft sound. ‘I’m crying like this’ he broke off as the piano went on a mini solo, only playing two keys.

 

There it was. The moment he dreaded the most. _Will I manage to say it, Minhyung? To tell it to you? I can’t face you, but I need to tell you. Please forgive me just this one. I need to say it at least once. This is the last time I swear. Then I’ll let go._

 

And so as the music went on, he finally opened his eyes and stared at the black shaded crowd with pained but relieved eyes, and finally sang it out.

 

‘My love…’ _Just this one, I’ll call you my own._ ‘My love~’

 

‘My love,’ _Yes, you Mark Lee are my love._ ‘-dear my longing love’ he sang his heart out, hitting the high note with a clearer voice this time.

 

But there it was. Coming too soon for his liking, the moment he finally says it aloud. He wished he could run away and never say it, but seems like his mouth has other plan. And so finally, he screamed it out loud:

 

‘I love you…’

 

_Yes, Lee Minhyung, I love You._

 

‘I love you!’

 

_Do you hear me you bastard?! I’m crazy about you! Do you need me to scream it louder?!_

 

Tears scrolled down his cheeks as he screamed his love out, gripping his mic tightly. But it wasn’t enough. He needed more, he needed to say it louder and stronger. He needed it.

 

And so he did, voice raising to a high note that he never knew he possessed:

 

‘I love you!’

 

That was it. He had put his heart and soul into this heart wrenching call of love. And by now, he was sure his outburst would be all over the media, but he didn’t care. _They don’t have to know it’s you_ ‘Dear my painful love!’ His voice rose as high as previously at those words, his throat hurting like hell, but he’d never felt so good. So free. _Yeah, one last time. Then we’ll be free of this. Let me just scream it a bit more please._

 

‘I love you

I love you

I love you!’

 

His voice broke at the last ‘you’ but he didn’t have time to dwell on it. He had a song to finish. A last confession to finish. ‘Being sad’ his voice lowered to almost a whisper, broken but content this time. ‘-about my hopeless love can’t last forever’

 

That was it. His confession was coming to an end. _It was for you Mark Lee._

 

‘So once again…’ he sang. _Did you like it?_

 

‘So once again!’ he cried, hitting the last high note square one. _Silly question. Did you at least watch it?_

 

‘So once again…’ he muttered at last, music finally stopping, clutching his mic with trembling hands and closing his eyes. O _f course not. Why would you? We were never… meant to be._

 

 

‘I cry.’

 

 

 

 

The lights went off.

 

–––––––


	2. Then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~
> 
> Here it is, the ending that you asked for! Will Hae get his happy ending? Read to know~ I hope you'll like it, I had so much fun writing it. Now, I need to go back on writing my main fanfiction because I can already see my readers waiting for me with fire torches hahaha...
> 
> Enjoy~

 

‘Hae?’

 

Haechan looked up from his laps with blurry eyes, to see Taeyong standing in the doorway, face morphed into a worried frown. As soon as the spotlights’ shine had disappeared, he’d run off the stage, not caring about the loud cheers and ‘I love yous’ thrown at him. He just needed to get away. So he’d run backstage, past Winwin, throwing his mic at him and ignoring his worried calls – just ran far away.

 

And that’s how he ended up in the storage room of the stadium, curled up against boxes, crying of shame, pain, and relief. He was too overwhelmed to face the members at the moment. So he decided to use the one hour, during which members do their solos, to hide from them. Then he’d face the stage again for the rest of the showcase. But that was without counting on Taeyong and his leader’s instincts showing up.

 

‘Hae, what are you doing…here…’ his voice died down as he took in the state one of his youngest member was in, and instinctively ran to him. Reaching the boy, he kneeled before him and wrapped an arm around him comfortingly. ‘Hey hey hey, calm down Donghyuck. Breath in. And out. That’s it. Shh, it’s fine, it’s fine.’

 

Taeyong leaned back slightly, and Donghyuck slumped against the boxes, exhausted. He wiped his cheeks and gave a wavering smile to Taeyong. ‘Th-thanks.’

 

Taeyong nodded and looked at him, before sighing and sitting down as well. ‘What you did back there-’

 

‘I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, that it will cause a scandal-’

 

‘Hae-’

 

‘But I really needed to, or else I wouldn’t have done it hyung. I’ll deal with the scandal hyung, you don’t have to worry.’ he ended, hands on his laps and head bowed. He knew his leader was probably mad at his outburst, but he’ll really face this. He won’t let it affect NCT.

 

But Taeyong only raised his face with both hands.

 

‘Hae, it’s okay.’ Taeyong soft words shocked him and his eyes welled up again. Was it really okay? ‘What you did back there, it was really brave. Expressing yourself in front of so many people, baring you real self to them… it is something even I wouldn’t have been capable of. I’m proud of you Donghyuck.’

 

But it only caused him to feel more guilty.

 

‘But hyung, N-NCT will-’

 

Taeyong cut him with his finger. ‘NCT is with you. Everyone was really proud of you. Jisung even cried, but don’t tell him I told you.’ he laughed and Haechan did too, mood lightening a bit. ‘No but seriously Hae, we’re facing this with you. We’re family ‘kay?’

 

He waited for Haechan to nod, before he stretched a bit and hit his dongsaeng’s shoulder. ‘Next time though, warn me in advance. It’s fine if you don’t tell everyone, but tell me at least. I almost had a heart attack when I heard your speech!’

 

Haechan laughed out loud at that one, his cheeks a bit red, and Taeyong ruffled his hair fondly, earning himself a whine. ‘Hyung! Stop messing my hair, the stylist is gonna kill me, and I’d rather keep my face flawless, thank you.’

 

‘Ah, and here’s back my sassy boy!’ Taeyong mocked cooed the boy, earning himself more complains. But as the teasing calmed down, Haechan’s face fell once more.

 

‘Hyung?’

 

‘What is it?’ he questioned, curious to find out why the mood dropped.

 

‘Do you guys know… no, who knows who I was talking about?’ he asked, eyes glaring at the wall in front of him.

 

Taeyong thought about lying, he really did. But what use would that be? The boy deserved to know the truth. So he sighed and took his hand in his. ‘Your fellow dreamies know obviously. Yukhei also knows, but that’s no surprise. I think that most of the members have guessed it by now but…

Some of them still have doubts. I mean, we all knew you were closed but we never thought it would evolve into love.’ his leader explained, rubbing soothing circles on the top of his hand.

 

‘I… I see. And _him_ , does he know? That I sang it for him?’ Haechan finally asked, not wanting to avoid it anymore.

 

‘… I hope he did.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ Haechan asked confused, turning toward him.

 

‘Aish.. you know Mark better than I do- don’t give me that face Hyuck, you know you do. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you or why you’re suddenly so distant with each others. But I know that you still know him the best.’

 

‘…’

 

‘So, as I was saying, you know how he is. At times he thinks too deep, and at times he is too prideful, and he likes to play dumb. So that’s why I hope he shoved his pride in his ass and realized how hurt you are because of him.’

 

Haechan looked at him, shocked at his choice of words. But why did Taeyong said that? It was Haechan who was at fault here, he was the one who developed feelings when he shouldn’t have in the first place. His face must have given away his thoughts because his leader suddenly looked outraged and brought him closer in a side hug.

 

‘Aigo, our maknae thinks he is the one to blame, how cute!’ he rubbed his shoulder and smiled down at Haechan’s blushing face. ‘Hae, you do realize that having feelings for Mark is not wrong?’

 

‘I know that hyung! But it’s just… it hurts hyung, him distancing himself from me and refusing to let me touch him- like, just before the showcase started, he took his hand away from mine! What’s wrong with him?! He doesn’t have to be a prick to show me he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore!’ he screamed in the empty storage room, annoyed and angry at his hyung’s behavior.

 

But when silence was the only answer he got, he realized what he just said. And paled. And so he quickly turned to Taeyong, panic rising in. ‘I didn’t mean it like it-’ he began, but stopped when he saw Taeyong’s face. The later was biting his lips and shaking, trying to hold in his laughter.

 

‘Oh my god, Haechan, it’s okay! You can be mad at him, it’s fine.’ he stated, finally losing it and laughing. ‘Damn, you kids are so funny when dealing with your feelings.’

 

He tried to calm himself, and looked down at the angry Haechan, who looked half mortified half angered. Softening, Taeyong secured his arm around the teen. ‘I know you don’t want to hurt Mark, but he was in the wrong too. He didn’t have to treat you like that, Hae.’

 

Haechan bit his lips, trying to hold in his tears. Was it really alright for him to be angry at Mark? Really?

 

‘He didn’t ask for it…’ he tried weakly but his leader only shook his head.

 

‘Not a reason to treat you like that.’ Taeyong reassured him.

 

There was a moment of silence, during which only Haechan’s ragged breath could be heard. But after a while, he broke it, leaning against his older friend. ‘Hyung… how am I going to face him?’

 

‘What do you mean?’ Taeyong softly hummed against his hair.

 

‘I mean… after all I said, it won’t be like before right? You know, I tried to tell myself we- I could still live in the illusion. But I was wrong, right? I must let go, right? I said I would.’

 

Taeyong frowned. ‘What? What are you talking about Hae? Wasn’t it your confession to him?’

 

But Haechan only bitterly laughed. ‘Hyung didn’t you listen to the song? It was a confession, yes, but that was also a goodbye.’

 

‘Wha-’

 

‘I… I knew that this would never work out between us, I came to term with that. Be it for the safety of the group or simply in consideration for Mark’s feelings, I knew I couldn’t impose you all the weight of my unrequited crush. But I just wanted… to let my feelings out just once, before I let go.’ he muttered, drawing patterns on the ground with his fingers, wet eyes staring at the ground in longing. ‘I just wanted to acknowledge them one time. One last time.’

 

Taeyong was left speechless. He stared at the boy, mouth agape and eyes wide, tears silently rolling down his cheeks in horror. He never thought… he never realized that Haechan was feeling like that. He thought the boy had sang his feelings for Mark as a confession, to tell him how hurt he was by their distance. But he never thought it was a goodbye. All this time, Haechan knew his feelings were unrequited, he had just wanted to cherish his love until the end. All this time, he knew it could never be…

 

‘Donghyuck… I’m sorry. I never knew…’

 

But Donghyuck shook his head. ‘That’s okay hyung. You couldn’t. Stop feeling like a bad leader, you’re not. Don’t worry though. Now that I have let go, I’ll try my best to not create awkwardness in the group. I’ll act like before. Like nothing happened.’

 

‘Hyuck, that’s not-’

 

‘Guys you’re here?’ a voice interrupted.

 

They both turned to the now opened door, light filtering into the room. Yuta was at the door, dressed in stage outfit. Yuta frowned at their states, and opened his mouth to speak. But one look from Taeyong was enough for him to shut it. Instead, he dramatically gasped. ‘What are you still doing here? We’re having a stage in 30 minutes, why are you looking like hobos?’

 

Haechan’s face shot up at that and he glared dagger at the other, rising to his feet. ‘Excuse me? I’m no hobo, thank you very much. I’m flawless.’

 

‘Yeah, go tell that to your make up artist. Your mascara is smudge.’ Yuta grinned evilly and opened the door wider. Haechan glared at him as he walked toward him, but the grin on his face ruined his attempts to look intimidating. Instead, he shot him a grateful look as he walked past, thanking him for dropping the subject and taking his minds off of all that.

 

And so Haechan walked past him, knowing that he and Taeyong were following behind. He paused before the door of their dressing room, hand trembling on the doorknob.

 

But two hands settled on his shoulders, warming his skin at the touch. And suddenly, it was as if he could breath again. He was reminded of Taeyong’s words. He was not alone. Yuta hyung and Taeyong hyung were behind him, ready to shield him from anything. And inside, he knew Yukhei would too. And so would his fellow dreamies.

 

So, he pushed the doorknob open and entered the room, head high, followed by his hyungs.

 

Upon entering, every eyes fell on him, but strangely he didn’t felt scared anymore. He knew Mark’s eyes were on him, burning his skin, but he couldn’t back down. Not after all of that. For everyone, he could do it. And so, his sass took back its rightful place.

 

‘What? You don’t like this new trend? I called it ‘sexy shiner’.’ he stated, posing like Michael Jackson.

 

 

 

 

 

‘…You look like the Matchmaker in Mulan.’

 

‘Shut up Nana.’

 

 

–––––––

 

 

‘Hey ‘sexy shiner’ boy, what you looking at?’ a deep voice asked in broken Korean, as an arm draped itself around his shoulder.

 

Haechan looked up from his screen, taking off an earbud. He shifted on his armchair and looked down at the Chinese boy crouched before him. They were currently in their dressing room getting ready for another showcase, one of the last of their tour; and what a tour it was. Since his performance on their tour second date, he was all over the medias – and it’s been almost three weeks. But no one outside their group knew who was the ‘mysterious lover’ – some had speculated on some girl group members, other on fans – if only they knew. He definitely changed things in the K pop industry.

 

Yet, nothing had changed between _them_.

 

Mark still ignored him. Though, he glanced at him more often. But nothing else. At first, Haechan had hoped that Mark would open his mouth and speak to him. And by ‘speak’, he meant to have an actual conversation, not just say ‘pass me the water please’. But that hope vanished quickly after a while, when nothing actually happened. So they were back to square one. Well, except that now, Haechan tries to let go – key word being ‘try’. It was so hard. He still cried at times, still felt anger, and still longed for the boy. But, nevertheless, tried his best to let go.

 

And so, here they were, three weeks later in their dressing room getting ready for one of their tour’s last date. Haechan was already prepared – white hoodie, leather pants, earring, makeup and freshly dyed orange hair on (A/N: His outfit from Go.) – waiting for the rest to get ready too.

 

Having nothing else to do, and not wanting to stare at Mark’s back with longing puppy eyes – he really tried not to, but these new looks he got for U’s ‘Boss’ comeback was too much – he decided to distract himself with one of the love of his life: Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman Tour. How much he loved this concert. His eyes were stuck on the screen, Mark Lee standing no chance against Ariana’s voice and sexy body (that’s a blatant lie, but no need to mention that now). That was, until Yukhei started to bug him.

 

‘Something too great for your eyes to witness Yukhei hyung.’ he teased, shifting his phone away.

 

‘Bullshit, let me see.’ the boy laughed, slightly raising from his crouched position to grab his phone and Haechan let him.

 

‘Dangerous Woman Tour? Never knew you liked Ariana Grande Hyuck.’ he commented as he looked at the screen where a scene from the movie was displayed. ‘Songs are great though.’

 

‘Yeah. I like Ariana, especially this concert. She’s an amazing performer.’ he explained, grabbing on Yukhei’s shoulder excitedly which made Yukhei smile.

 

‘Really? What’s your favorite song then?’

 

‘It’s Into You-’

 

 

‘Lucas, your turn.’

 

 

Haechan froze at the voice. _His_ voice. Mark was literally 2m away from his armchair, looking fine as hell in his Boss’ outfit. Haechan wanted to crawl away.

 

‘Alright!’ Lucas said, rising from his crouch position and patting Haechan’s tight. ‘Don’t miss me too much!’

 

Haechan snorted. ‘You wish.’

 

Eyes stuck on his phone screen, he quickly waved goodbye at his friend, and plugged his earphones back in his ears as Lucas’ legs disappear from his eyesight, not wanting to get _distracted_. He didn’t want to dwell on Mark’s presence, it could only do no good to the both of them. Pressing play, Ariana Grande’s voice filled his ears once more and, with that, he forgot about the other boy.

 

Looking at the screen intently, shivers ran down his bare forearm – hoodie’s sleeves pulled up because he hates heat, and this sweater was already annoying him – listening to the star’s strong and beautiful voice. Lost into the performance he was watching as it was the one before his favorite song begin, he never took notice of the dip by the arm of the chair. That was, until his screen dimmed. Smiling to himself as he saw the shadow loom over him, he took off an earbud and looked up.

 

‘You’re already done Yukh… ei.’ his voice died down to a whisper and his breath was cut short.

 

 

This wasn’t Yukhei.

 

 

Mark and he stared straight at each others eyes, the older’s dark brown irises intense against his own piecing chocolate brown contact lenses. Too intense.

 

Gulping he wanted to advert his eyes, but find that he couldn’t. It was so long since he had had the chance to look up at Mark this close, so long since the boy had stood this close _willingly_. Adding to that, the fact that he looked more than fine in his ‘Boss’ black suit, yeah, Haechan didn’t want to look away. How much he had missed-

 

No. He must stop. Admiring the boy was just pointless.

 

With those thoughts, he flickered his eyes to the side. But before he could fully look away, Mark brushed his fingers against his throat.

 

What. The. Fuck.

 

 

Haechan stilled, stiffening, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. What- What did Mark thought he was doing?! So now he can go from fully and majestically ignoring Haechan to suddenly acknowledging and touching him as if nothing happened? What’s wrong with him?! Couldn’t he stop making his feelings a mess-

 

‘You’re cold.’ Mark’s voice cut his thoughts, fingers pressing against his tan neck where goosebumps where – did Haechan already mentioned that he missed his voice? Coz he did. Pretty badly actually.

 

‘Huh?’ he said and blinked dumbly, staring up at the older. Wait, him cold? Please- what is cold? He thought Mark knew better. Clearly he was wrong. Yet, Haechan could not form any clear sentence. But Mark only shook his head with a small smile – god how he’d missed this smile – and retracted his hand.

 

But Haechan leaned in with closed eyes, jaw angling down to the side where Mark’s hand was, slightly outstretched, bathing in the warmth of the touch he’d craved for, for so long, missed so much-

 

Wait what?

 

Snapping his eyes wide open, he jumped away, leaving Mark stunned for a moment. Haechan felt the heat crawling up his neck and stared at the wall, jaw tight, refusing to meet Mark’s eyes.

 

How humiliating. Haechan wanted for the ground to swallow him. He was mortified by his actions. He’d had the chance to talk to Mark and what did he do? Fucking blow it up because he couldn’t tame his stupid feelings. All efforts made so far blown up in one mere second.

 

Mark cleared his throat and finally lowered his hand. ‘I, hum- I’ll just go practice my raps. Just- just finish your concert, your favorite song is coming up anyways. See you later.’ he said with a small smile as he gestured to the screen, standing up.

 

Haechan watched his back retreat, face still red and eyes full of longing but sad. He had messed up big this time, right? His eyes followed Mark’s figure, watching as he talked to Taeyong quickly, and when the later turned quickly toward him, Haechan ducked his face to his screen and pressed play. Yup, he definitely fucked things up. Again. How more embarrassing could this be?

 

Peeking up from behind his phone, he watched as an exceeded Taeyong lead away an overly excited Mark- wait, what? And why is he screaming ‘Wait, wait, wait!’ continuously, smiling from ear to ear? But Taeyong only rubbed his forehead and led him out the doorway.

 

God Haechan might love him, but boy, was he weird at times.

 

Haechan stilled yet again. No, needed to stop thinking like that, that wasn’t going to help him forget his feelings. Shaking his head with a sad smile, he turned back to his screen, bathing in Ariana’s voice to forget his ache as his favorite song tuned in.

 

But, less than five seconds through, he threw away his earbuds, phone crashing on the soft carpet – thanks god – and looked up, staring straight at the doorway.

 

 

‘He remembered my favorite song…’

 

 

–––––––––

 

 

Haechan rushed out of stage, sweating like a pig after their performance on Go.

 

‘Move aside, kids in a rush!’ he heard Yuta scream as the staff fixed his mike, warning them and their fellow members as the Dream unit ran past.

 

Their performance for Go had just ended and they had hurried off the stage. Silently thanking their Yuta hyung for always looking after them, they went into their dressing room, leaving Haechan and Mark change for Cherry Bomb.

 

Haechan quickly took off his white hoodie and threw on a sleeveless black one, as well as a signature Cherry Bomb purple bomber jacket, leaving his Go leather pants on. The staff gave him his black Ranger shoes in a hurry, as there were only three minutes left before the music turned on, and so, Haechan hurried putting them on.

 

But doing stuffs in a hurry never helped anyone.

 

‘Ah fuck- c’mon! Get in, get in, get in…’ he mumbled under his breath, getting frustrated at his shoes’ behavior. Getting down on one knee, he huffed as he had to untie his shoelaces. This was the first time it happened, usually he could put them on without any struggles or undoing the laces. Why couldn’t he have zippers instead, like Taeil’s? Grunting, he hastily spread the laces and pushed his socked foot in-

 

‘Here, let me help you.’

 

Haechan stilled, hands lingering over his shoelaces. This was some kind of joke right? Mark couldn’t just ignore him for months and suddenly talk twice to him in a day, let alone touch him twice! What the actual fu-

 

Mark’s fingers wrapped themselves around his knuckles and he gently pushed his hands away. Grabbing the younger’s ankle, he pulled it in the shoe and began tying the laces. Haechan could only watch, blinking, failing to comprehend what was just happening. Why? Why was Mark suddenly so touchy-feel y with him? Who did he think he was? What-why-he- No!

 

‘Here, all done. Lego!’ Mark told him, patting his shoulder and standing up. Haechan only stared up at his retreating figure and blinked.

 

What. Had. Just. Happened?

 

‘Haechan c’mon! We don’t have time!’ Johnny’s voice woke him up and he stood up, shaking his head. Of course Mark must have done it so that they wouldn’t be late for stage. It made sense, what was he thinking there. Stupid Donghyuck. Nodding, he followed his hyung on stage.

 

Entering the stage under the screams of their fans made him feel more alive than ever. Since his solo stage, everyone – well everyone except haters, but who cares about them – had supported him. He felt so glad. Getting in position he waited, and soon the spotlights turned on. He was going to make this stage lit.

 

And he did. Until _it_ happened.

 

Mark was halfway through his rap verse, Haechan holding him up by the hips, setting the performance on fire. Haechan lowered him down and got ready for the next move when suddenly a hand brushed against his side. Mark’s hand to be specific. At first, he ignored it, didn’t even acknowledge it. Brushing happened every times, nothing to take notice of.

 

But it happened again.

 

As they were switching places, Mark laid his hand on his shoulder, when usually he didn’t. Why would he? This wasn’t even in the choreo. But Haechan chose to think nothing of it, it could have happened with Taeil hyung or anyone. Then, it was the hand on his hips that almost made him trip, resulting in him missing the beat by 0.5 seconds. Okay, now that wasn’t an accident or a coincidence. Mark Lee knew very well what he was doing. Why though? Why was he doing that? He made it clear those past months that he didn’t want anything to do with him, so why start acknowledging him again?

 

Sighing, he stopped looking at Mark. Gosh fans were gonna love it – he could already see the edits and fan theories – but Taeyong won’t. Why did Min-Mark have to be so touchy today? Was he drunk? He was so blaming Johnny if that’s the case. Well, no matter what, fuck Mark Lee. Haechan didn’t have to suffer through so much- so much… shit?

 

Careful to remain professional, he shook his head internally and did his solo dance. Feeling bold and wanting to take this situation off of his mind, he shrugged off his jacket and threw it aside, revealing his tan bare arms.

 

Needless to say the crowd went wild.

 

On his side he heard Johnny snicker and Yuta wiggled his brows at him, but he ignored them – as well as the small smirk that made its way on his own lips – and resumed with his moves. And as he heard the fans’ screams- sorry, screeches, he felt prouder than ever.

 

 

Boy. If he’d known, he would have never thrown away the jacket.

 

 

The performance went on, and of course, Mark Minhyung Fucking Lee struck again. Haechan was so focused on doing his move right that he didn’t any attention on the fact that his fellow Dreamy was coming his way to change spots. So Haechan moved, and almost gasped outloud in his mic when long fingers brushed downward along the bare sweaty skin of his right arm, touch lingering and pressing, just enough to be felt as more than a mere brush, but not to be acknowledge as weird by any outsiders. The hand disappeared from his arm in a matter of second and Haechan breathed again- until it pressed against the small of his back the second after. Ans as soon as it happened, as soon it ended, Mark already at the other end of the stage moving to the choreo.

 

Haechan thanked all the gods he was a professional, or else he would be collapsed on the floor. But here he was, dancing like nothing ever happened when his heart was doing somersaults. Now Haechan could say it: Mark Lee _wanted_ to touch him. Wanted to get _noticed_. But why? What made him change his mind? Just- answers. Haechan wanted clear answers this time. He was going to confront Mark, that was it.

 

 

––––––––––

 

 

Lies.

 

The rest of the performance went on without mishaps and Haechan exited the stage quickly. And as reality dwell on him, he realized he couldn’t face Mark.

 

His confidence had been crushed a long time ago regarding anything related to Mark. Haechan couldn’t bear to face him. Okay, true, Mark’s actions were not casual. But that didn’t mean that they meant what Haechan wanted them to mean. Plus, if Mark really wanted to tell him something, then he was the one who should make the first move. Hence why he hurried off of the stage to the dressing room.

 

Collapsing into his beloved armchair – promptly pushing Jaemin off of it – and curled into a fetus. Enough. Enough. Enough. His heart was about to burst from hope and combust into ashes because of his rational brain telling him to stop. It was too overwhelming. Haechan wanted his old self back, not this lovesick puppy annoying fragile self.

 

Dinging further into his red armchair, he thanked Jaemin for the towel, and looked up at the screen showing what was happening on stage. For now it was empty, the whole stadium plunge into darkness. But soon, the light turned on and- wait, who was the first to perform their solo stage today?

 

Haechan snorted. ‘Of course it would happen to me. Can this get any more cliché?’ he thought bitterly, groaning in his hands. ‘I’ll be back’ he spoke out loud to no one in particular, standing up and making his way toward the door.

 

 

‘Wait Hae.’

 

 

Taeyong’s voice cut through the air. Haechan slowly turned around, back tense. Did the older noticed? ‘Yes hyung?’

 

‘Could you bring me back my jacket? I forgot it backstage.’ his leader smiled at him, and Haechan simply smiled back, a strained uneasy smile, before leaving.

 

Outside, he sighed in relief. He was in the clear. He just had to wait five good minutes, and he could go fetch that jacket, avoid Mark, and return. The timing was perfect. Maybe he should take a piss while he’s at it. Yeah, sounds great.

 

 

––––––––––––

 

 

‘Shit, shit, shit. Why wasn’t it option two today?’ he cursed under his breath, as he heard Mark _still_ talking. Yeah, he went to the toilet, but apparently not long enough to avoid hearing the other boy’s ~~gorgeous~~ voice. He really wished today was an option two day, at least it would have gave him a real reason to stay away longer. But no, today had to be an option one day, a quick one at that – he spent legit 2 minutes in the bathroom at most.

 

Sighing, he rubbed his bare arms and inched closer to the backstage, trying to ignore the knot in his stomach and what was happening on stage as he searched for the jacket. The sooner he was done the better. At least in the dressing room he could put on his earpho- … did he really only thought of that now? Slapping his forehead, he resumed his search.

 

But sadly, Mark’s booming voice could not be ignored. Well… what harm was there in listening to him talking to fans?

 

‘- yeah, so I’m glad everyone liked our performances so far.’

 

‘Wait what? He’s not done talking about our show?’ Haechan thought, rummaging though the mess them and the staff left backstage.

 

‘Now hum… I know I usually sing a cover of Zico sunbae-nim’s ‘Okey Dokey’, but- ah that’s embarrassing-’ the crowd cut him with ‘awws’ and he chuckled in his mic. Haechan curiosity was now picked up. ‘So, you guys remember that one of our member decided to do a ‘special’ stage at the beginning of the tour, right?’

 

At that, the crowd went wild and, Haechan would have been smiling from ear to ear, if Mark wasn’t the one mentioning his performance. ‘What are you doing Lee Minhyung…’ he muttered as he faced the side of the stage, jacket long forgotten, completely obvious to the fact that he had just called Mark _Minhyung_ when he promised he wouldn’t anymore. And, somehow, he couldn’t help the small hope blooming in his chest.

 

He watched as Mark scratched his head. ‘Yeah, so I decided that if one of our member did it, then I should do it too.’

 

Of course, that was the reason why, what did he expect. Dejectedly, he went back on his search, eyes veiled with sadness. Really, what did he expect?

 

‘I’ve got a lot to say to someone and I think I’m best at expressing myself with lyrics. So tonight I’ll show you a side of Mark that you’ve never seen, and sing.’ Cheers erupted into the stadium and Haechan heard Mark chuckle once more.Oh _._ So that’s how it was… If he choose to _sing_ then it must be for someone important.

 

Haechan’s heart broke. A time too many.

 

‘This song is very important to that someone.’ _Maybe I should leave? ‘_ Please look forward to it.’

 

The stage dimmed and Haechan’s throat tightened. _I_ _should leave._ Head lowered and bangs hiding his face, he walked away, trying desperately to hold himself together.

 

‘What a fool I was to believe that something had changed.’ he thought bitterly, as the first notes of music dropped. ‘Fucking feelin-’

 

 

 

‘ _I'm so into you, I can barely breathe_ ’

 

 

Haechan stilled.

 

‘And all I wanna do is to fall in deep,’

 

_No way._

  
‘But close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line, hey, yeah’

 

It couldn’t be-  


‘So name a game to play, and I'll roll a dice, hey-’

 

Haechan whipped around- Their eyes met.  
  
_‘_ Oh, baby, look what you started _’_

 

A single tear rolled down Haechan’s heat up cheeks.

  
‘ The temperature's rising in here, is this gonna happen?’

 

Haechan was ready to collapse on the ground, legs like noodles and wet eyes wide as saucers. _All this time- so all this time Mark he- I still matter?_ The older boy resumed his dancing, standing sideways on the stage. To fans, him moving sideways probably looked like it was part of the dance moves, but Haechan _knew_ it was  just to face him as he pronounced these words.

 

‘Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move’  


And as the ‘ woo, oh, oh, oh’  played in the background, Haechan bit his lip to calm himself.  First, he wanted to laugh a bit because Mark’s voice was slightly off-tune at times – thanks god it was  tropical house remix – and second, his heart was about to explode.  That was all a dream right? But more importantly, did Mark sang it solely because it’s  Haechan’s favorite song or because he.. meant those lyrics?

 

Shaking his head as his heart missed a bit, his shoulders slumped. Of course Mark meant nothing by it. It was merely a way to apologize,  Haechan was sure of that . Blinking, he went to advert his gaze from the other. But before he could do so, Mark went on, staring at him dead in the eye s – almost daring him to break eye contact.

  
‘Before I make a move.’  


Haechan gulped. _No way- just no way. Stop beating so fast stupid heart._ And as the chorus was about to begin Mark finally turned around in a swift dance move, and Haechan could finally breath.  
  
‘So, baby, come light me up, and maybe I'll let you on it,

  
A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that's how I want it,

  
A little less conversation and a little more touch my body,

  
'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you.’

 

And as Mark sang those words, Haechan had to push down his  own feelings. No. No he shouldn’t be like that. But watching Mark, with his smirk on, dance so confidently and powerfully and languidly to the song made him feel butterflies in his stomach and caused his face to turn beat red. That was bad. Real bad.  _Learn to tame yours feelings Dong_ _._

 

Suddenly, Mark’s hand shot up sideways, finger pointing to Haechan.

 

‘Shit!’ Donghyuck cursed, stepping back further into the backstage, almost tripping on a box. Thankfully, he caught himself on time. He’d been so shocked and scared when the hand faced him, he thought he would be seen, but then he remembered he was backstage, hidden from everyone. Every fans must have thought it was part of the choreo. But why was Mark pointing to him?

  
‘ Got everyone watchin' us, so, baby, let's keep it secret’

 

From the big screen, at the other end of the stage, he saw Mark brought his free finger to his lips in a ‘ shush’ motion, and his eyes glanced sideways quickly.  Glanced at Haechan quickly.

  
‘ A little bit scandalous, but, baby, don't let them see it’

 

The finger pointing to him moved in a ‘no’ motion.

  
‘ A little less conversation and a little more touch my body -’ The finger stilled, pointing straight at him. ‘ 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you, oh yeah…’

 

 

The chorus ended with an off-tune note and Mark lowered his mic and head, shoulders shaking. His laughter could still be heard though, faint but audible. The crowd laughed and cheered too. And soon, Haechan found himself laughing as well, heart lightening and shaking his head in disbelief. So all this time… could it be that it was a misunderstanding? That couldn’t be, right? But, then, why?

 

Still half laughing because he was embarrassed, Mark took a quick glance backstage at Haechan, only to find him seated on a box, chin leaning on his palm and fingers drumming against his lips – clearly to hide his smile. Mark smiled back quickly, and resumed his singing with a heavy exhaled… straight into his mic.

 

The crowd erupted in laughter and Mark looked at his mic in shock before he laughed out loud too. Having miss the beginning of his verse, he brought the mike back to his lips quickly,  finding it hard not to laugh . ‘- made too many mistakes,  b etter get this right, right, baby…’

 

The boy laughed out loud at his off-tune tone, and tried to sing the chorus. The crowd cheered for him, most of them clearly amused and thinking the same thing: ‘Thanks god I bought tickets for this date’. Most of them will probably go home with priceless memories- and fancams.

 

Haechan could only stare with a fond smile at the boy’s performance- screw that, at the boy himself. He was… speechless. Never in these last months would he have ever thought that all of that was a misunderstanding. His mind couldn’t still believe it. Smiling to himself, he stared at the boy still singing a bit off-tune at times, but still doing very well, and soon he was cheering for him too. Clapping his hands and ‘woohoo-ing’, he squirmed on the plastic box, eager for Mark to finish his performance. And as the last line came, Mark once again turned sideways on the stage and faced the ‘hidden-from-sight’ Haechan. Arms crossed and starring straight at him, he brought the mike to his lips.

  
  
‘  _'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you._ ’

 

 

Mark turned his head, biting his smiling lips, and faced the crowd as the music came to an end.

 

 

Loud cheers erupted.

 

 

–––––––––––

 

 

Rushed footsteps echoed in the air and Haechan looked up. Sheepish smile and awkward coughs met hopeful eyes and parted lips. The younger  slowly stood up from his box and took a few daring steps towards the rapper. Hands  digging into his h oodie front pocket,  scrapping the ground with the tip  of his Ranger shoe,  he peered at the other boy from behind his bangs to see him already  looking  at him. Caught starring, Mark cleared his throat and rubbed his  sweaty  nape before he took a step toward the boy,  still breathing heavily after his stage .

 

‘I’m sorry. I overreacted-’

 

‘You bet you did.’ Haechan cut in and snorted before he could stop himself. Flushing, he bit his lips and look away. ‘Sorry…’

 

But Mark only shook his head. ‘No, it’s alright- god, Hyuck I’ve missed your sass.’ he admitted, flushing too, but this time both boys looked at each others and laughed.

 

After a while, silence filled the comfortable atmosphere and Mark smiled softly. ‘I was jealous.’

 

Haechan looked up in shock. ‘Wha-’

 

‘I thought, you know.. you and Yukhei… So, I distanced myself. And I ignored you because I couldn’t stand it.’

 

Haechan stared at the boy speechless and mouth agape. His heart started to beat quickly and heat rushed to his cheeks. So, all this time…

 

‘But then, I saw your performance and I thought you were confessing to Yukhei.’

 

‘Wait, wait, wait what?’ Haechan stopped him, waving his hands frantically, looking close to bursting out laughing. ‘Me and Yukhei? Never in a million year! Fuck, Minhyung, where have you been looking all this time? Everyone here know that I’ve been head over heel for you since last ye-’ he cut himself as he realized what he was saying, and looked down at the ground, feeling warmth creep up his neck.

 

Silence.

 

Haechan considered running away. But before he could, the tips of snickers met his Ranger shoes ones and a hand crept into his hoodie pocket, fingers intertwining with his own.

 

‘I know now. I was too focused on ignoring you, that I never realized how you really felt. I only found out earlier, when you leaned into my palm-’ Haechan blushed at the cringy memory. ‘- so I asked Taeyong if I was the one you liked. He told me I was a blind deepshit-’, Haechan laughed. ‘- and told me everything. That’s why I chose to sing one of your favorite song. And asked Taeyong to find a way to send you backstage.’ he explained, rubbing soothing circle on the younger’s knuckles. ‘I really thought it wouldn’t work…’ he muttered, head lowering.

 

‘But it did.’ Haechan pointed out with a soft laugh, making Mark laugh too.

 

‘Yeah it did. When Johnny’s voice cut through my earphone telling me you were here- yes he followed you. As I was saying, once he told me, I… I was really happy Hyuck.’

 

‘I thought you hated me. That you didn’t want to be friend anymore. My solo was actually a confession and a goodbye…’ Donghyuck admitted, suddenly feeling shy. He wasn’t used to exposing his feelings like that.

 

‘Wha- Donghyuck, I could never hate you. Quite the opposite actually.’ he chuckled and Haechan finally looked up with a smile, tightening his grip on Mark’s hands. ‘Thank you for giving me another chance Donghyuck-ah.’

 

‘We were so stupid Minhyung hyung. We could have talked it out but we chose to be dramatic and sang it out.’ he laughed with a snort, blinking away the wetness in his eyes.

 

‘Well, we wouldn’t be us if we were not dramatic hopelessly in love teens, right?’ he pointed out in a breathless laugh, tugging Donghyuck slightly closer.

 

‘Right. Dramatic hopeless kids in love.’ he repeated with a chuckle, as he rolled his eyes and tsked playfully at the other, allowing Minhyung to join his free hand with theirs inside his hoodie. Raising his eyes to finally look at the older, he felt his heart flutter. They were really stupid. God, and to believe they liked each other all along.

 

 

 

Minhyung  slowly  cocked his head to the side and starred at Donghyuck tenderly,  slightly leaning in .

 

 

 

‘Then…’

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you like it? Are you satisfied or frustated hahaha? Hope you liked it and had fun reading it~
> 
> Funny story: I almost got caught writing this by my teacher at uni, and I lied to him instead that I was messaging my friend online to ask them to bring me grape juice... only for him to tell me 'Oh can they get me a bottle of water? I'll give you the money after class'. Like, I know he is young and talk to us as if we're his buddies, but still, I didn't expect him to actually trust me hahaha. So in the end I had to find a friend to actually buy water lmao.  
> Anyways, all of that to show you how devoted I was to this story haha!
> 
> Sooo, that's it for me in the NCT fandom... for now *Loudly whispers 'Jaeno' in the background*.
> 
> Once again, thanks for reading!  
> Have a nice day/night, and lots of love - Orange.

**Author's Note:**

> So... Did you guys like it??
> 
> I plan on making a second part, but I sincerely wonder if it's not better left like that? Since I can't made up my mind, I'll let you guys choose: Do you want the second part with the happy ending or not?
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it~  
> Lots of Love - Orange.


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